How to forgive and how to live

When I learned Chumash as a child, this week's Torah portion was one of my favorite. My children love it too. In fact, one of the most gripping stories in the Torah reaches its climax this week. Joseph’s brothers, who had originally plotted to kill him but instead sold him into slavery for profit, finally come face to face with him. To their astonishment, they discover that he is now the ruler of Egypt. Fearing he will seek revenge, they brace for the worst. Yet the Torah reveals something extraordinary: Joseph bore no resentment. Instead, “Joseph provided for his father, his brothers, and his father’s entire household.”
Chasidic philosophy explains that Joseph’s response teaches a profound lesson about repaying evil with goodness. Joseph forgave his brothers not only because of his remarkable self-control but because he understood the broader nature of human actions and evil. His brothers’ betrayal was undeniably wrong, but Joseph saw it as a part of G‑d’s greater plan to elevate him to the position of viceroy of Egypt. Rather than dwelling on their evil intentions or misguided actions, Joseph chose to focus on the positive outcome that emerged.
The midrash teaches that King David echoes this idea in Psalms, saying: “O Shepherd of Israel, hearken, He Who leads the flocks like Joseph.” Just as Joseph responded with kindness to his brothers’ misdeeds, by looking beyond their bad behavior and focusing on the good outcome, we ask G‑d to view our own misdeeds in the same light and to respond with compassion.
To merit such grace from G‑d, we must strive to act similarly in our own lives. The Rebbe offered two practical suggestions: First we must transform our own failures into growth by using our personal misdeeds as motivation for self-improvement, turning them into merit. At the same time, we must train ourselves to view others’ offenses as potential catalysts for their growth, and treat those who wrong us with kindness and understanding.
This may be easier said than done, but as descendants and family of Joseph, we are empowered to follow his example. Joseph teaches us not only how to forgive but also how to live.